


love is bullshit

by dokaisoo



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-04
Updated: 2020-05-04
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:20:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23999635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dokaisoo/pseuds/dokaisoo
Summary: relationships change from time to time. but what if they dont?. two boys start to live up on that fear. what would happen if they change?
Relationships: Do Kyungsoo | D.O/Kim Jongin | Kai
Kudos: 5





	love is bullshit

'love is bullshit'  
kyungsoo drops the script he has been reading since 4pm puts both thumbs in between his eyebrows and sighs. he tries to focus again but his head hurts.  
"hyung are you okay?" that voice startles him but he manages to look up fixing his glasses  
"yeah" of course. thats a fucking lie, but does it care?, he tries to sell his relieved lip smile "jonginah i thought you were working today" he says right after. if he knew he wouldn't had come to the dorms!. fuck.  
"i was but, i cant do much.. you know... back pain striked again" he points at his waist and smiles "i came to eat"  
kyungsoo wants to get out maybe just frown and keep reading but  
he gots close to him and manages to empty the chair that its full of junmyeon snack papers. well in junmyeon pride defense the others eat them too behind his back and just dump it around just so junmyeon gets too conscient of his mess and cleans it up.  
why is he even walking around like that? does he really have to love dancing that much he doesnt take care of himself-.  
"do you want to eat ramen too?" jongin asks nonchalant cutting his thoughts as he tries to stand up again, but a hands stops him  
"ill do it " kyungsoo muffes and jongin smiles a little at his back. he gazes the script on the table  
"how is it this time?" kyungsoo stops wandering around the kitchen till he finds where baekhyun has hidden the ramen and looks above the room. jongin is staring with that curious eyes of his yet his face is gloom.  
"its... okay, sad but its good"  
jongin takes the script "its the first time you have some main role" kyungsoo snorts and stops pouring water  
"yes" its indeed something big for him, and still...  
he looks at the paper and smiles "pure love uh?" a click and kyungsoo eyes sparkle at the flames, when he gazes up again he sees jongin eyes sparkle too. a smile planted on his face but glitching  
".." the air is awkward and he doesnt even know why.. well "there is only spicy one is that okay?" of course kyungsoo knows the answer  
"yes" jongin places the script back on the table. the silence invades again till kyungsoo heads back to the table with the ramen and two bowls. he serves a portion for himself but before noticing he takes jongins bowl and serves him too. jongin takes the bowl  
"wont it be too hard for you hyung?" jongin starts talking. kyungsoo surps. "i mean.. with the concerts, and all..."  
"dont worry about me, ill be good" jongin stares a little taken back at the sudden rough tone, kyungsoo surps again before he cant look at him and realize it enough to stumble on his feet. "you should take care of yourself" kyungsoo looks up again and the guiltiness shines from jongins face  
"ill do" jongin says in the same tone. kyungsoo takes some water and feels again like shit. jongin is frowning and that stone cold face stays still.  
"i mean.. i just have to get tan a little and study in between concerts" he snorts "its not that hard" again a lie. jongin looks at him in wonder " but body its important you know, more for a dancer, you should not take it all till the edge" he voices out what hes been thinking since the tour started  
jongin smiles "i know.. its just that, you know that it eases my mind and helps me to think... i need to" jongin looks down  
what does he even need to think about that much till get to this point?. kyungsoo nods  
"anyways... still" kyungsoo looks away and takes more water.  
jongin laughs  
"whats so funny?"  
"its just... that" he points at his chin. kyungsoo follows and wipes himself  
"oh.. aish.. done?" jongin still giggles and nods, he cant help but smile too. its been always like this?. as the giggle makes his eyes tiny and he looks at the table he reminds that yes, it always been like this.  
"i cooked so youll clean up" kyungsoo stands up and takes his backpack and puts the script inside "i gotta go" a lie too, but hes a good actor right?. jongin pouts and nods  
he puts his black vans on  
"hyung" jongins head bumps from one side  
"..."  
"here" he hands him a ... vitamin pot "take care" he says fast and goes back in, kyungsoo stares confused yet answer a 'thanks,, you too' back but doesnt know if he would hear that.. hopes he doesn't

its been years and kyungsoo still doesnt know how he should act towards jongin.  
and lately he found himself acting more than the usual.  
if it wasnt for him.. things would be hella difficult right now. and to his gut, maybe them is actually the reason.  
cause the problem is that.. he cant say no to jongin.  
when others mock him or hes embarrassed hes the only one that doesnt take part, when he feels insecure about anything he would be there to boost his self esteem up. when he feels like shit or happy jongin helps him to forget or to increase the feeling.  
but most of the time jongin is also the cause of those things.  
and thats why he feels bad for acting up with him.  
dont get it wrong its not like he doesnt care to do the same for jongin. but that's exactly the problem  
he does everything he can for jongin too, and when he can't it feels worse.  
but he cant say yes to jongin either.

"i cant believe i thought you hated me hyung" jongin said when they got to the coffee shop at their first talks  
"i dont know about the others but..i like you hyung" jongin said cheerfully when kyungsoo helped him to learn his lyrics for the next evaluation  
"hyung you know that i like you right?" he said when in an interview he had to play cold on him  
he knows that so he sometimes didnt even answered those with sighed 'i know'  
sometimes hearing those words is hard for kyungsoo.  
cause he cant say when the other gazes and actions turned those 'i like you' to something harder to take  
and kyungsoo hates feeling like that.  
his phone rings and stops his spacing out  
'tomorrow you'll go filming abroad pack your things' -managernim  
he stops the car to the side and his head falls on the steering wheel  
his mind drawing a route back to the dorms to pack the things he didn't get to unpack even.  
he curses himself for even going out when he knew he had to come back anyways. but maybe then, no one will be there.

whats the line that defines love? when does it turn to that kind of love? kyungsoo recalls all the trips the shared flights laughs moments fights clothes the gifts. the care. when does it turn so difficult to just stay like that? just caring...  
or is that.... it has always been it?

he stops and lets the backpack on the car, its not like he could read anyways, he'll keep on doing it during the flight  
he sets the password and gets in. its dark but he doesnt turn the light till the room. he knows this place like his hand anyways.  
when he turns the light on he catches sight of the messed chanyeol's bed and his guitar on top, but when he looks ahead he sees his things are on the floor and jongin is sleeping on his bed!. his heart starts to race at rage for this dumb dropping his things and using HIS bed when he has his own up there and confusion.. why does he eve-  
jongin moves and his eyes open little by little "hyung"  
kyungsoo head goes from him to jongin's bed to him again  
"oh ..i thought you wouldn't use it and my back hurt so much i cant even go up there" he laughed at being caught and that sad statement his ears red  
but after he tried to move off kyungsoo stopped him again  
"stay i wont sleep here anyways. i came to pack my things" he said softly even tho with a slight seriousness  
"oh.. so you are going abroad again?"  
" yes" kyungsoo snorts. thats obvious. he picks a black shirt and puts it back in.he looks around jongin to see if there was something on but his gaze stops when he sees nothing but jongin pouting and looking at the mattress.  
"what?" kyungsoo looks down and jongin lift both eyebrows up his face turning plane again  
"i'll miss you thats it.. i mean the practices and all aint the same when one of us isnt there" he touches his neck and looks away  
"i know" jongin eyes shine in something he had seen before "but ill be back for the smtown in japan.. and then the concerts" he starts counting with his hands. now that he realized hell be busy as fuck. he pats jongin shoulder and gets back to picking his stuff  
"have a good flight." jongin closes his eyes and kyungsoo closes his carriage  
"umh" kyungsoo pats him again and heads out  
jongin follows his track with an unreadable stare till it's gone.

as expected the filming goes right and he even got the time to think again.  
to painfully think again about those eyes.  
chanyeol has told him many times that hes so obvious when it comes to real feelings and not scripted ones. and maybe hes right. he knows baekhyun and junmyeon sense it all as much as him and try to help when necessary to cover it up.  
its not like they ever told him about it or even mentioned more than: did you fight?, is everything okay?, can you watch out?, turn back to your senses  
kyungsoo knows that if its hard for them most be for those seeing it  
cause its hard to accept love  
a love like this its... difficult  
but he cant say no to jongin  
never could

in japan they didnt talk that much he was so up to his best to give it all that he found himself coming back home in a wheelchair  
"why did you had to push yourself like that!"  
"im just tire-"  
"and like this you told me to not do the same? why you care more about others but not about yourself?" kyungsoo accommodated on his bed. jongin walking from side to side.  
kyungsoo got flashbacks. it feel like a dejavu.  
in 2013 when he got injured he got almost the same response. is that they always gonna be like this?  
"calm down im okay... its not the same" he says bluntly looking up  
jongin snorts and his head flops "not the same?"  
"it wont happen again.. "  
"what are you trying to say?"  
"that you should mind your business jongin!" he looks down "just like i should"  
jongin got silent for a moment before starting "do you know why it been like that?"  
he knows  
"its because you keep avoiding me! did i do anything to you? everytime you go away it's the same"  
"what are you talking abo-"  
"YOU KNOW ME SO WHY YOU HAVE TO BE LIKE THIS? WHY CAN YOU WORRY ABOUT ME BUT I CANT? WHY CAN YOU ACT LIKE NOTHING HAPPENS WHEN YOU KNOW I CANT?" kyungsoo eyes got wider. a trace of tears falling down jongin's cheek. but why before anything all he can think is  
"dont shout the others are out" he says while holding jongin shoulders, but he got flipped by his hand  
jongin snorts "so what? dont you think they know?"  
this is too much for him, why of all times he has to say it?!  
"jonginah"  
"just tell me you know it, i wont force you to say it back, i just want you to let me be like i want to you.. let me care"  
"i just.. dont get why you want to be like that, cant we just stay like this?"  
"cause i like you thats why i cant stay like this! seeing you being like that!"  
"i know"  
jongin freezes on his spot and kyungsoo stands up  
"i like you too, jonginah, thats why i want to stay like this"  
jongin shoulders fall as he sighs "so i guess we dont like each other the same way"  
and after a pitiful smile jongin is stepping away, and kyungsoo feels his heart tighten  
is it too selfish to want to stay like this?  
jongin sniffs on his way, and his heart reaches its lowest sink  
is it too selfish to know and keep my own truth to myself?  
"you're wrong!"  
jongin stops beside the doors and looks back defeated  
"its more than that... i.. really like you" he says almost like a whisper  
jongin eyes widen and he turns completely to face him "i... really do thats why i dont wanna lose this" he says more loud  
"i dont wanna mess out everything.. our friends i dont wanna lose your friendship that's why i couldnt.. i can't"  
jongin runs back and catches him in hug. is so tight it almost makes him lose his breath. "you wont" jongin murmured softly as he still sniffs on his ear  
he hugs jongins back. has his heart ever beaten like this?  
he tugs jongin's hair like he used to but this time his hands stay on his face. he looks at the lips he always had stared and jongin follows it.  
"can i?" jongin nods.  
and as he feels jongin tender lips on his own he wonders if it would ever come a time when he could say no to this.  
the kiss is slow and sweet he can taste the gummies they shared on the plane.

love is bullshit  
love is  
love


End file.
